Tobi's First Day
by Mnsk
Summary: Deidara had high expectations when Zetsu informed him he would be getting a new partner. He didn't think the guy was all that great, but it was pretty cool that he could offend most of the Akatsuki with practiced ease.


**Tobi's First Day **

**Summary - **_Deidara had high expectations when Zetsu informed him he would be getting a new partner. He didn't think the guy was all that great, but it was pretty cool that he could manage to offend most of the Akatsuki with practiced ease. _

Normally, the members of the Akatsuki used Pein's Gentoushin no Jutsu to project their images into the cave where the Statue of the Outer Path was located. However, they were all currently gathered there in physical form, standing around on the stone floor while the statue towered above. The occasion? For the first time since Kisame and Itachi had dragged Deidara in kicking and screaming, the Akatsuki had a new recruit.

"_This is Tobi."_

"_**Tobi is a good boy."**_

"It is very nice to meet you, Deidara-senpai!"

Deidara, formerly of Iwa, looked on at the two people standing before him. Or three. No one really knew at this point. Zetsu – Zetsu_s? _– was as strange as always with the giant spiked leaves that towered over him. So he let his eyes scan over the second figure, noting the long Akatsuki cloak and the orange mask that hid a face framed with short black hair.

He crossed his arms over his chest and turned to Zetsu with an unimpressed look, "so what can he do, un?"

"_You'll have to ask him,_" White Zetsu replied seriously.

"_**He can do anything," **_Black Zetsu added with a disturbing grin.

"Zetsu-san praises Tobi too much," the masked figure sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, "but Tobi will try to impress Deidara-senpai."

The other Akatsuki members winced in sympathy for him as Deidara struggled to keep his palm away from his face. It seemed…that he had gotten a fruitcake. Finally, he looked up at Pein, who was standing silently nearby, "Pein-sama, I'm not finished mourning for Sasori no Danna, un. I don't need a new partner. I can work alone, and…cherish his memory, un."

"Were you his partner or his freaking wife?" Hidan muttered, tapping his giant scythe over his shoulder. It seemed to be drawing blood, but this was the guy who shoved in his immortality in their faces on a daily basis. He didn't really mind.

Pein stared back impassively, deciding not to grace that with an answer. Beside him, the strange blue-haired woman who never really talked to any them sighed.

"We all work in partners," Kakuzu spoke up, "it serves as insurance as well as support." As the Akatsuki's finance manager, he knew the logistical costs of searching for new recruits. Deidara in particular had been an absolute nightmare. He was very satisfied indeed that this new person had cost almost nothing to bring in.

"Kakuzu-senpai is so clever!" Tobi exclaimed, "and Tobi thought it was because his senpai didn't want to be lonely."

Deidara choked on air. In fact, his hands went ahead and choked on air as well. He turned to give his new partner a _look _through his blond hair.

"It's ok, senpai," Tobi told him reassuringly, "senpai and kohai can do lots of fun things together. We could go travelling, and eat foreign food, and see lots of ancient temples!"

"I'll take you to see temples," Hidan perked up, "I know many temples, my god Jashin-sama loves it when the sacrifices are made in his actual shrine." He grinned widely and seemed genuinely excited even as the blood flowed down his shoulder.

"Silly Hidan-senpai," Tobi giggled, "gods don't exist."

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING HERETIC!" Hidan made to raise his scythe, but a hand on his harm stopped him.

"If you kill him, I will _find _a way to kill you," Kakuzu warned. Without Tobi, they would probably be sent to try and recruit another missing-nin, and that would cost a small fortune in travelling expenses.

"Kakuzu-senpai is so kind," Tobi told him, "being cheap is practical, after all."

"Did you…call me cheap?" Kakuzu asked in a low voice. He was _frugal, _or _practical, _damn it. He wasn't cheap! Only the momentary glare of the second-last Uchiha and the thought of the tracking funds they saved stopped him from ripping their new recruit's head from his shoulders.

"Where did you come from, Tobi?" Itachi asked with a slight hint of curiosity, "I've never heard of anyone named Tobi in the bingo books."

"No no, Itachi-senpai," Tobi tilted his head, "Tobi has never been in a bingo book."

"_**He's a friend," **_Black Zetsu explained, shifting within his giant Aloe leaves.

"Zetsu has friends?" Kisame wondered absently. He took a step back on reflex at a sudden surge of killing intent in the room. No one knew who it had come from, but it was definitely there. "I mean, welcome to the Akatsuki, Tobi," he quickly amended, giving the new recruit a sinister grin.

"It's nice to be here, Kisame-senpai!" Tobi replied, "was Kisame-senpai's mother a shark, or was it his father?"

There was utter silence in the cave.

Beneath his mask, Uchiha Obito grinned widely. No one said an antagonist couldn't have a bit of fun now and then.

**ooooo**

**Something I thought of while bored in class. Next chapter of TRT will be up...um...in three days?...**

**Review ^^!**


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